bellchronicles: a woman in a black dress twirls about (Default)
I'm an internationally-raised person trying to make a home in her native & long-unknown country, Brazil. At the moment I'm earning my second college degree, due to bureaucratic nightmares (don't ask), and I'm trying to figure out a future for myself. Then again, who isn't?

I have a fan-based journal at [personal profile] bell ([ profile] usomitai), so if that matches you fancy, you can go check that out. Over here will be a personal/daily life journal. Some posts will be released publicly; many will be locked to my access list, since I'm not so big on painting my life for all to see.

Feel free to subscribe! I'll restrict granting access to those I actually know (if this bothers you... get to know me? XD). I won't be subscribing to anyone from this account. If I want to read your journal, I'll subscribe from my [personal profile] bell account, to keep everyone I read (on DW) on the same Reading List. Don't worry, I don't expect you to subscribe to both journals; though you can, if that tickles you.
bellchronicles: a drawing of a polar bear lifted up by several balloons (misc bear on balloons)
Dear cold, I am so over you. In fact, if you really want to know, I was never into you in the first place. I'd like to go back to a life where I can work out and not have to keep turning when I'm in bed so as to snot-drain the clogged side of my nose.

bellchronicles: a drawing of a polar bear lifted up by several balloons (misc bear on balloons)
Oh god cleaning is excruciating. Digging through the layers, reencountering pieces of my past, deciding what to throw out... I can't keep it all and yet it's like I'm getting rid of myself. If it's this hard to do, though, why can't I stop? I even got out of bed to organize more.

This is why I hate having things! They take up space, must be cleaned, AND EXERCE RESPONSIBILITIES OVER YOU. THE DOMINANCE OF OBJECTS GRRR RARGH.
bellchronicles: manga illustration of eternal sailor moon holding her hands to her heart (sailor moon hands to heart)
Goodness. This month I've:

- applied for a tourist visa to Canada (the drama of which most of you have been spared. Still waiting for the results...);

- turned in the last of the extra-curricular activity certificates I needed to (the thought of which has been terrorizing me since 2008);

- completed the internship I've been working at for 15 months (I could have stayed on longer but I decided not to);

- delivered my monograph on House & its portrayals of disability (at 12,000+ words);

- was paid for the first time to translate from French to English (with a lot of hand-holding/cheat-sheeting from [personal profile] zulu & E.).


December and January will be (relative) vacation time for me. (Still have to teach a few hours a week and I've at least one text to edit, but that is little!) I mean. February too will be vacation and I'll be visiting my love :#), but the next two months will be here in Floripa.

What I plan to do... will be different from what I actually do. *laughs!* But my Big Dreams are:

- draw!
- write scripts for comics & world-plan for a very long story!
- visit nature-places in Floripa (R. says he'll go with me :D :DD)
- clean my room!
- play video games??? (<-- i am suddenly in the mood...!)
- other????

Somedays it feels like I am getting nowhere at all, but November has brought many long-term projects to fruition. Lots of big things paying off at the same time, some of them from over three years! I am grateful and satisified. ♥
bellchronicles: a black woman sitting in a couch, smiling happily (undercovers recline smile)
I'm not one to go about browsing YouTube. Even if my connection allowed for quick perusals, I'm just not that girl, you know? I dislike the low quality of the videos, my attention span doesn't fit the typical lengths, etc.

Except that tonight I am that girl.

It started with Alexander Rybak's Fairytale. THAT SONG. THAT SOOOOOOOONG. I've had it on my mp3 players for months and for whatever reason it wasn't until yesterday that I bothered to listen to more than thirty seconds of it and then adlskfjaoeriLJLkje CANNOT. STOP. PLAYING. I'M ALREADY CURRRSED. (*g!*)

I love the song. Love it. (CAN YOU TELL) I like how it's both happy and so angsty. The fiddle and fastfastbeat make me want to dance, but the words: they were sweethearts! but that was then! THEY FELL APART, GUYS. HE DOESN'T CARE IF HE LOSES HIS MIND. ...I do love me a cheerful-and-angst-in-one package.

(The wikipedia article mentions the kid has anger problems, which doesn't surprise me. His cheerfulness, in the song and the videos I've watched, have a performed note to it. That much acting of smiling/being happy.... requires repression? Which can resurge as anger. Though sometimes he seems to be ecstatic too. In the video I linked above, at 1:52ish? Just before going into another iteration of "I'm in love," he looks to the side and just-- grins. Really grins, with cheeks rising and everything like he's thinking, "oh boy!" As if he can't wait to belt out those lyrics again :3)

I loved the song, and now I love that video <3 <3 <33 He can give a real performance! DID YOU SEE THOSE DANCERS (BACKFLIPS FOR THE WIN GOODNESS). And his vest? It's cute! You can tell he knows, the way he turns his back to the audience towards the beginning. Show off! :D

So after watching that performance AD INFINITUM I thought it might be time to move on? To at least other videos by him? I liked the title I'm Yours, so I clicked on that one. AND ALSDKFJALDKFJ IT'S A FUCKING JASON MRAZ COVER. YES YES YESSSS. ...Also, Alexander Rybak has some weird expression, doesn't he. o.O At 0:15 into that he looks into the camera and I don't even know how to describe that look! I'M LOL-ING. (is it his nostrils? i think so! they're huge! <3)

Then I noticed Sesame Street: Outside with Jason Mraz and I clearly had to click on that, so I did. It's... as described. Jason Mraz, with his guitar and hat, on Sesame Street. "I'm Yours" is now "Go Outdoors." (Elmo hits the high notes!) He won't stay inside no more no more! It cannot wait!


To top the night off, I remembered that I've been meaning to watch Kusano Masamune cover "Time Travel" again so I did that. GUH. What is it about his performance? His initial bashfulness? How he goes on to completely pwn? How... transported he seems? Whatever it is, I can only say GUH.
bellchronicles: an animated smiling sun (misc happy sun)
excuse me, currently floating on cloud ten because my advisor really likes my tcc as it is and i'm feeling confident about being able to make it even better before turning in the final, final draft. <3 <3 <333

(i am not a failure as a person zomg zomg zommgggg ♥)

my advisor is so awesome. i'm so glad i didn't let her down. <3 <333


having difficulty sitting still, tbh. or is that the coffee and almost no food so far today? why is all the food gone.....
bellchronicles: a drawing of a polar bear lifted up by several balloons (misc bear on balloons)
I'm working through some (mope-ful) feelings about creation vs. being noticed. Click if you want to follow along (there's nothing new here, but gotta feel this stuff out for the umpteenth time). Art-ing. )
bellchronicles: a drawing of a polar bear lifted up by several balloons (misc bear on balloons)
I stopped by the supermarket today and the first display was of electric fans. Makes sense: summer's been starting up and the heat is starting to get uncomfortable. Then I turned my head and saw all the Christmas items, like mini plastic pine trees and decorations.
bellchronicles: a photo of a drawing of me in front of a sakura tree (fluffybutt)
Last night I dreamed that my sister B was looking over my paintings. "These are good but you need to lose weight." I-- I don't think there's anything I can add to that. Feel free to join me in 0rz-ing.
bellchronicles: a drawing of a polar bear lifted up by several balloons (misc bear on balloons)
Guys, I was reading Ye Olde LJ Entries from 2003/2004 and, like. I used to be pretty cute. Bubbly, even. What's up with that? Where did the bells of yesteryear go and how did I become her? Was it a brain transplant or am I ghost and I have possessed her body? *ponders*

I'd like to recapture that. I can't be who I used to, but I think it might be a question of lenses. Switch my glasses to a more whimsical shade. Retrain myself into focusing in on funnier shapes. Or maybe the better analogy would be phonetics: I have become accustomed to letting out my sounds-- my energy-- as consoants. To form consoants, you shape your mouth into specific shapes; phonemes (letters, words) come out from those bocal twists. But I want my energy to come out like a vowel: unimpeded, untwisted, pure.

My goal will be: post publically every day here. Do it for a month. Be lighter and genuine.

So. But where to start? *thinks* My internship is winding down to an end; just gotta find a moment to tell the bosses that whoops my contract is up and that I don't want to pretend anymore. I did what I promised: I tried! But in the end I like sales about as much as chewing on my fingers. (Like, I did see that coming. I think anyone but my bosses could have told you that sales isn't a good fit on me! But it was an opportunity there for the taking and I am not one to say no to those! I took the chance and raaaan.) I have been a Dream of theoretical riches-- the link to wealthy English-speakers-- but it is time to shake them awake. I'm flitting on. To where? Don't know yet. :)

(Anyone got spoilers to the rest of my life? No?)

Anyway. The rest of my evening awaits. Til next time. :3
bellchronicles: a woman in a black dress twirls about (Default)
End of Sunday and all, and I'm still pretty tired. My weeks are packed! I will have to find energy & strength for next week, but I will, somehow! For now I'd like to remember some good things from the past week, because even if I'm regularly tired, life has been good~.

1. The presentation I was really about on Friday was received with much clapping. My prof spoke highly of it, and several of my peers told me "good job"! after.

1a. Since the presentation was on my TCC, I can use the powerpoint slide prototype (which I took hours preparing) when I present on it again, as I will inevitably have to.

1b. Best of all, I fielded all the questions and comments well! Many people wanted to argue against me but, heh, online imbroglios have trained me in defending my opinion. Though, heh, the subject of my TCC is House & Disability and even if I haven't managed to get in much research yet, I've given it much more thought than anyone else there. I know the usual "but....!" counter-arguments.

2. I got a real hard kick in the ass that's made me question my approach to online discussions. A post on this may or may not be upcoming.

3. I spent a whole lot of Sunday chatting up [personal profile] zulu and only stopped because she had to go to sleep. I wanna talk to her mooaaaar.

4. [community profile] alwaysright is getting back on track! [personal profile] zulu and I were, uh, a bit ~distracted~, so we went a while without tagging, but we're getting back in the swing of things. Foreman/Amber, man. Foreman/Amber. ♥

5. FNL is good, yay! \o/ I've just started 4.07.

6. James Patterson is still one of the best purchases I ever made. ♥

7. I'm very proud of my student Mr. U's progress in English. :)
bellchronicles: a woman in a black dress twirls about (black twirl)
This morning my dad caught me gazing off into the distance, smiling. "Daydreaming?" he asked.

"Oh, yes."

I've been doing that a lot lately. 'Snice.
bellchronicles: a photo of a drawing of me in front of a sakura tree (fluffybutt)
I think I'm getting used to this heatwave! (Average temperatures of 35 degrees, though according to an article, with humidity and other factors, it "feels" more like 43.) The first couple of days I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't motivate myself to do anything but read. Last night, though! I drew again, typed up more of a fic (SLOWLY BUT SURELY, RIGHT?), and fell asleep at a less crazy time. And slept in this morning, mmmmm.

THIS DOES NOT MEAN I WANT IT TO KEEP ON GOING THIS WAY. The weather forecast keeps adding days to the heatwave. "It should end by the weekend," they were saying on Wednesday. "It'll be cooler on Monday," they promised yesterday. Today, they think the heat will break on Tuesday. ;____________;

The heat gets *every*where. Airconditioners are sold out in the city. My shower's cold faucet, at 10pm, was letting out lukewarm water. Places that normally are freezing, like malls and supermarkets, are warm. The one place that's given me respite is where I do my internship and I can't go BECAUSE IT'S THE WEEEEEKEND.

Mmmm, what else? That's about it, I think. Sluggish! Man, palmito would taste so good right now, with some lettuce and carrots and tomato and maybe some olives? With cucumbers and sprinkled raisins. Nothing like record-breaking heat to make me crave salads.

Oh, polar wind! Come blow on us!
bellchronicles: a woman in a black dress twirls about (Default)
[A post from yesterday I forgot to put up!]

Sent off a couple of resumes; called one of the companies to make sure they'd received the one I sent earlier (and was told they'd get back in contact with me if I "fit the profile," which I don't, really, phooey. I'm not a IR major). Set up a meeting with someone who might be able to help me out, might not, but I should at least try. I really hope she can give me some leads/pointers, because I'm running out of ideas.

Also signed up for classes, and was frustrated that the graduate course I wanted, studying The Tempest with my favorite professor, clashes with my mandatory bits. Grrr. If I didn't want to maintain my mornings free, open for a half-time internship, I'd fiddle around so that I'd be taking classes all day long to fit in The Tempest one... alas.

Then, driving classes, the actual reason for this post. ♥ More advancement! I think. I began the session all over the place, feeling like I'd started from scratch. But we moved on to new things, like me getting used to braking and switching between first and second gear. The car died on me quite a few times (*makes face*), and I haven't gotten the hang of braking smoothly. We also tried a few times a... manobra? (maneuver?) That is, I had to turn the car around in a narrow street. It's not that hard technically-- roll the wheel in one direction, roll in the other, back-up at some point, and then go in the direction you want-- but PHYSICALLY. SO HARD TO MOVE THE WHEEL. alkdjfadlfj. I am such a weakling, I have to really pump my arms to get the wheel to turn, it's so stuck when I have my foot down on the clutch.

I get the feeling my instructor is bored out of his mind. He keeps repeating the same phrases, his favorite ones being não tem mistério, ne (there is no mystery, right) and vai na manha (go easy). No wonder, he's been at this for eleven years, I imagine there's nothing new to him. Especially if his trainee prefers to not talk, by nature and to better focus.

Now, for today... researching more companies, therapist, driving lesson, and a trip to an art gallery showing with my friend Carol. I haven't seen her in months and months-- the last time we'd talked, she'd hinted she'd wanted to make a business proposition to me, but since she never brought it up again, I suppose she's been distracted by other projects. Probably better that way. At any rate, I'll be glad to see her.
bellchronicles: a woman in a black dress twirls about (Default)
Fun day! ♥ The morning I spent sending out online profiles and resumes—not so much fun, and I’m pretty sure those won’t do much good, I have to start visiting the companies in person to present them my lovely, cheerful, hard-working self. *PERSISTENCE*

After that, though~. I went out to visit Raimundo for the first time after a year and a half of friendship, wtf. He lives in a different city, though it's still a part of Greater Floripa. It's a ways away, but not too far, and I found it a v. tranquil region, peaceful and quiet and more nature-filled. The way Floripa has been growing, I predict it'll become a bustling area in five or so years. :D

I met his family; his father seemed reserved, opting to shake only my hand (!!), but his mom was far friendlier. I really liked her, she seemed super-sweet. ♥ Even though we come from very different walks of life, I felt automatically safe/comfortable with her-- maybe it's because she was doting on me from the very first. And Raimundo says *that's* because she's had no women in her family, only three sons and a husband. So she loves any women that pass by her home. XD I hope to someday sit down with her for a long chat to hear about her life, about the Northwest, about what it's been like, living here in Floripa. Raimundo warns me she'll talk my ear off, but somehow, I don't think I'd mind. (Tangent: it wasn't until later that I realized I hadn't noticed her Northwestern accent/dialect. I'm not sure if that says more about my deafness to differences in Portuguese speech, or about how much she's adapted her speaking to the region.)

Daniel came by too, with a backpack and a couple of shopping bags filled with video games, ahahahhah. Raimundo had just bought a PS2, so we were experimenting games with him. For the most part I hung in the background, doodling and conversating, since I don't care for sports or fighting games, and RPGs, my interest is in the story and not watching random battles.

Then I popped in Katamari Damarcy. I already had it, since people on lj have raved so much about it, but today was my first time playing. SO ADDICTIVE. We played it for over an hour, switching turns with each round, and we only stopped because of dinner. I loved it, so so much. (And it reminds me of [ profile] jantalaimon ♥ ♥ ♥. Every little thing reminds me of some icon she's used, or some reference she made.) As I'm done typing this post, I'm gonna turn off my computer to use its transformer on my PS2 and play s'more. ♥ ♥

You know what makes Katamari Damarcy even better, here? In Portuguese we have the expression "enrolar". Literally it means "to roll," but figuratively, it's to cheat/fool someone. The three of us kept cracking jokes about enrolando/rolling each other. Heeeeeee.

'Twas a great afternoon. :D

And then it was time for driving class! Progress, woohoo! I got into second gear and up to 20km/h! \o/ I feel as if I *shouldn't* enjoy driving, given the stance of most of my family, but I think I do?? And I experimented more with breaking, though I haven't yet figured out to do that smoothly. My breaking always jerks the car, and I let it "morrer" (no idea what the expression is, in English-- turn off?) a couple of times. :< I WILL DO BETTER TOMORROW. <333 I was disappointed when the end of the class rolled around. "But I wanna practice and learn more!"

vroom vroom

Jul. 6th, 2009 08:23 pm
bellchronicles: a woman in a black dress twirls about (Default)
I just completed my first (practical) driving lesson! :DD It was cool and boring! Cool because HEY I'M THE ONE TURNING THE IGNITION AND MAKIN' THE CAR GO, and boring because I was on first gear the whole time. *laughs* Most of it was mindless work, trying to keep close-- not too close-- to the right curb, but even so, when things got more complicated, like almost crashing into a post, I didn't think (react) to step on the breaks. My instructor promised me he'd help me get used to stepping on the breaks more, tomorrow.

I'm glad I felt so casual at the wheel. :) My family has a history of not caring for cars, so I was worried I wouldn't be able to handle it. So far so good, though. Perhaps all those years of racing games has helped! \o/ And I'm lucky; I like my instructor. He's super-calm and is okay with handing out positive messages (instead of: "I can't believe we spent the whole class in first gear!", he said, "Congrats! You managed to drive the car steady!" XD)

I asked him the question that I've been DYING TO KNOW FOR YEARS: "Don't you get scared for your life, teaching newbie drivers?!" No, he replied. See? Super-calm!

I have 9 more of these classes before I take the driving exam. Somehow, I don't think it'll be enough to truly let me run wild in the streets in a car...
bellchronicles: a woman in a black dress twirls about (Default)
My dream last night had PLOT and stuff!

The number of zombies in the world slowly but surely growing. Us remaining humans fought back for a long time, but there reached this point of no going back, and the zombies launched a massive attack that’d be pointless to resist. When they unleashed their hordes, I decided to not put off the inevitable, and gave in. I let one bite me, and it was like powering up—I could even see my energy bar going up! (The long-lasting effect video games have had on me, let me show you.)

It was amazing, being a zombie: I was now timeless. I could stay up all night reading! I could read for the rest of eternity! (Like I do much reading now, lol.) The first I thing I did was go to the library to pick up books. I couldn’t wait to get started!

Yet… when I went back, later, they’d closed off the library. It was off-limits, for some reason unclear to me. Zombies against self-education?? Just say no to reading?? I wouldn’t be put off so easily, and found ways to sneak in; a couple of like-minded zombies joined me, and we sought books together.

Then came the looting.

It was an anarchy. No laws, no rules, aside from this: the strongest wins. Zombies started to steal from one another, INCLUDING MY BOOKS. I remember looking at one, she’d stolen a heap of treasures she didn’t want for reasons beyond the joy of possessing. She had on a crown, a regal mantle, and a pile of books. All this and more was hers, because she’d taken it. And I didn’t dare to take it back, because I’d have to fight for it.

I wondered how long all zombies would be able to continue in relative lack of conflict. With all the humans gone, how would we eat? Would we turn on each other? What had started as an empowerment was going in the direction of dog-eat-dog.

I woke up around then. Off the top of my head I can ramble a couple of interpretations. But mostly, how cool! This plotty a dream! :D
bellchronicles: a woman in a black dress twirls about (Default)
- I have such a girlcrush on my North American lit professor! She dresses frumpier than you could imagine, with oversized sweats and cotton shirts in drab greys and blacks, and it's absolutely endearing, because you can tell she only thinks of clothes insofar as to keep herself from being naked. While she may not care for fashion, she is invested in the things that matter, like fiction and ideology politics. She's so eloquent and elegant about it, too, speaking with such clarity. And excited! She loves fiction and teaching it!

Seriously, I just want to invite her to coffee so that we can gossip about our favorite stories and analyze subtext. If I end up not continuing UFSC next semester, one of my greatest regrets will be not doing research with her, or having her as my advisor to my senior project.

- In an unfamiliar area, I asked a lady at a bus-stop if I could get downtown with a bus that came through there. "Yeah," she answered, then pointed her roll of negrescos (the national equivalent of Oreos) at me, offering them. I politely declined. Don't take food from strangers!

But people are like that, here, always offering their food to other people. No one here can start eating, be it a small chocolate bar or an apple, without asking everyone with them if they want a bite. It's just the way things are! I generally say no, because I'm picky about what and when I put into my system, but I like that they are willing to share. It's friendly.

My favorite story on this subject comes from my sister. The girl next to her on the bus was eating a sandwich. She bit into it, then peered at my sister, holding the sandwich out to her. "Tá servida?" (Are you served/are you filled/do you want any?) It's the "tá servida?" that I love most about that strange scene, of someone offering up their half-eaten sandwich to a stranger.

- I have been writing like crazy mad woah. Between RPs and fic, about 1000 words/day, I think.
bellchronicles: a woman in a black dress twirls about (Default)
We're nearing the end of autumn, and this means South Pole waves of fucking cold blowing up to where I live. With the temperature reaching near zero Celsius and no internal heating anywhere within sight (what is wrong with this city), I present to you:

Things Bell Is Likely To Do In A Floripa Winter (All True Stories)

- Exclaim intermittently "IT'S FUCKING COLD."

- Shiver.

- Not shower for several days, should the sun stay hiding, because the water is heated via solar power and fuck getting wet with COLD LIQUID IN THIS COLD.

- If number of days exceeds minimum appearance standards, wash hair in sink, while topless and cursing as vigorously as possible about the cold.

- Not want to remove any her clothes.

- Leave the house without checking her feet, as part of the not-remove-clothes item, and only realize halfway to campus that not only is she in her flip-flops, but that she's also wearing socks. Mismatched. The last time this happened, one sock was navy blue and the other was pink-red-orange striped.

- Drink excessive amounts of yummy, nummy hot soup and milk. Not simultaneously.

- Write in the third person.

- ETA: Wait until the last possible moment to get out of bed, not daring to face the even more frigid cold outside than in.

But, you know what? I love the winters here. ♥ I love that the cold is brief and not too intense, just enough to have the new sensation of its ache and then get back to warmer times. And, man, freezing or not, the sky is a sensational blue, and I get hot by walking in the sun. It's my favorite time of year now, winter.
bellchronicles: a woman in a black dress twirls about (Default)
I wasn't nearly as productive today as I'd like to be. I think that's fair, though. My week was hurried, and by the end I was feeling the strain. Slumping into laziness is my usual reaction to tiredness-- an automatic self-defense mechanism, perhaps?-- so I was even expecting it.

I still managed to do a fair bit. I bought a stack of DVDs (and, god, downtown is so gross, when it's crowded) and with a bit of burning, deleting, and organizing, I've cleared out 40 gig. My hard drive needs to be wiped out by late next week, when (theoretically) I'll be receiving my new computer. I read an acquaintance's paper and sent her suggestions/critique. And... that's about it. It seemed like more. :D (I chatted and watched stuff, too. Does that count?)

This afternoon I took a mammoth nap. Normally my naps are superficial, with me skirting the edges of consciousness. Not this time, I just went out. When I woke up an hour later, I turned around and went straight back to sleep. A few hours later, I want to sleep s'more! Yep, I think I've been drained. ^_^

And can I say that I love this policy of telling people things? I was fretting over something today and was going to make yet another hand-wringing post. Then I realized that I needed to talk to the actual person, and did so. Things are better. ♥

Think I'll tag and then fall back into bed. Barbecue tomorrow! Yuck. Going only to provide moral support.


bellchronicles: a woman in a black dress twirls about (Default)

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